I'm A Free Woman!

(Originally published 8/29/2008)

"I've been a woman my whole life and every part of me believes in the empowerment of women. But the truth is I'm a free woman. And being free means you get to thing for yourself, and you get to decide for yourself what to do. I'm just following my own truth…" –Oprah Winfrey (February 3, 2008)

For the last 19 months, I have gone from wondering what the hell Barack was doing, to being pissed off at what he was doing, and finally to not giving a damn about what he was doing. After much arguing with all sorts of friends in person and online, I had resigned myself to provide little quips when challenged, but mainly lay off discussing the man.

Why?

Because I didn't trust, respect, or like the man. Although I'd worked on his 2004 run for U.S. Senate, I had never supported his "historic" campaign to grab the title of Free Leader of the World. There were MANY different reasons for this, as I'm sure most of the folks reading this note will already know. (Rehashing them would take forever.)

So, last night, I was prepared NOT to watch that doggone speech. My friend chided me for planning on missing a "historic" moment in history because of my disagreements with the man. So we began to watch and listen to the pre-speech video together.

I was disgusted. I'm thinking, "ohmigod, ain't nobody but white folks in this damn video! And folks call him, BLACK?" I felt my annoyance factor rise once again.

As the video goes off, people start chanting, "Yes we can," or "O-ba-ma" or one of those cutsie-poo slogans, so I did my usual loud sighing and made and excuse to push off.

I walked out of my room with every intent of going to get a lime frozen fruit bar when I heard my mama performing the Black church clap. This surprised me because I do not live in a Obama supporter house. When he is mentioned, it is usually in a negative way, so the clap confused me. (i.e. my sister introducing her and her friend's creation of the term "Obamaed," which they define as being sold out. "Awww no, you got Obamaed!") And although I do I believe he'll win in November, that doesn't mean I have to like him, or his decisions, or his actions, or his rhetoric. (I will be the FIRST to admit that the competition is NADA though.)

I stopped in the hallway and turned into her bedroom. I asked her, "what are you clapping at?" (I'm sure it came out sounding like more of an accusation because I haven't trusted her since she admitted that she voted for him in the primaries because, "well…girl, I been kinda waitin for this day. He's Black." I felt like my mother had to be much more intelligent than that.)

However, my mother doesn't give that clap to just any-ole-body. That's a clap from CHURCH. That means that this clap is only performed when she hears somebody telling what she honestly believes is THE TRUTH. My mother knows truth from deception a lot more than I do.

So, I sat down.….and was blown away.

At first, I was resistant and hesitant. I'll even admit that I missed the first couple minutes because that I really wanted to go get that lime bar. When I came back up, I was immediately drawn to what he was saying because it diminished one of my major issues with him. I've felt that I don't know WHAT he's really going to do about any of the situations we've found ourselves in by having Bozo T. Clown as a president for 8 years. I've felt like I've had to go out of my way to view his plans on issues that concern me while I can turn on my TV at any given moment and hear him talk about another candidate. As I once said, "change don't do nothing but sound good."

But last night, he laid it out there…for all to see. And in addition to that, HE TALKED HIS ASS OFF. The last part…after he talked about the solutions and plans…was HOT. I am a sucka for a slick-talkin Negro…and he was talkin slick last night. I appreciated how I felt that he made an honest appeal to everyone. My mother stated that she didn't know if he was going to do all of that, but it surely sounded good.

But even a little more than that, he gave me……dare I say it…Hope.

Yep, that one little concept that I have been running from. Although I'd been feeling much of his speech, the part that really drove it home for me was when he began to talk about pessimistic Americans (i.e. me) who felt that the government was so broken that it could never be fixed. These people felt so let down by their government, and many fellow citizens, that they refused to believe that any real change could ever occur. (As the Black preachers says, "he had pulled onto my block.")

But then he began to bring it home about change REALLY being possible (I can't even believe I'm typing this y'all.). And I felt like, "ok, I can dig it." I saw him stumble a bit when he began to talk about our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters who should be able to…visit their loved ones in the hospital. I know he couldn't say they should "be able to get married, fools!" But I could forgive that because he went there. (I often use a politicians stance on GLBTQ rights to ascertain if they're truly down for change. Don't really know why.) I suppose that everyone wants to have some hope. Even if they think it might be a little irrational. And Barack tapped into that with me.

I had previously confessed to several friends (i.e. Kellee, Bukola, Brace, etc.) that I was envious of the Black community's enthusiasm over this man. I felt robbed of an experience that I badly wanted to have. I wanted to be extremely happy, hopeful, and proud when the first viable Black candidate came along, and I wasn't. I WAS happy that he provided so many Black people with a common positive cause to rally around and become excited about. I was happy to see little Black boys at the Taurus Steak shop yell, "ooooh mama, he got on a Obama shiiiiiirt! I WAS happy to see so many Black women crying and saying that they'd never thought this day would come, and that they were happy to be able to see it.

And in addition to that, I'm a free woman.

So, as my girl Keyshia Cole would say, "I changed myyy miiiind…"

I'm not going to wear buttons, t-shirts, caps, lanyards, water bottles, sweater vests, etc, with an "O" on them. I will still call Barack out if I think he's not on track. This is the job and duty of every American citizen.

But I'm voting for him. And now when I see someone on the bus with a pin on their lapel, I'll give the silent nod. Even though Bukola said she'd save me a seat on her proverbial Obama bus, I believe this free woman will drive herself.

Obama – Biden…2008.